1. the summer.
2. feeling confident for a moment that i knew what i was doing.
3. not selling myself short.
4. when i had control of my emotions.
5. you.
6. old school nights.
7. thinking before i spoke.
8. when i use to trust you.
9. high school when things were simple in the most complicated kind of way.
10. 2 steps forward and no steps back.
11. my apartment.
12. sleeping with no interuptions.
13. a clear mind.
14. being confident in truth.
15. freedom.
16. carmel machiottos.
17. the fall days when a hooded sweatshirt was enough.
18. the Randazzos N. Jacob house.
19. the days when i didn't doubt i was a good friend.
20. my family.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
He is good. Always.
I have some things on my mind. Some things that are changing, and not just on the outside, amazingly on the inside as well.
First, I'm going back to the tractors(sorry Meredith!). I do love the kids, but it's not worth it to me to miss out on my own life. Through this whole process of deciding it hit me how much God truly loves me. I begged him, yes literally begged, for this new job. He gave it to me. I asked him for a part time job. He gave it to me. Then when I decided I didnt want it anymore, after only a month I might add, He provided me a way out. I'm not saying that Jesus gives us whatever we ask for, but in this situation he knew that is what I needed, and he is the only one who knew it. From the outside the associate job seemed perfect, but he knew better. I don't know why this a suprise to me. The creator of my heart knows what is best for me. Not only the creator of my heart, but the creator of my whole world. Who am I to ever doubt that?
Second, one of my best friends Ami that I love so much and who has taken me into her family had a little bit of a health scare this weekend. For a lack of better words it scared the hell out of me. It is never a good thing when the phone rings at 5AM, and this was no different, but she is okay now. She is home safe with her family, and I can do nothing but thank Jesus for that. I did a lot of thinking this weekend. I know that life is short, I know that you never know what could happen, but seroiusly, that is the truth. Sometimes when I'm with my grandma I think this could be the last time I see her. It could be the last time she nags me in her loving grandma way about driving on ice, or my lack of food in my apartment, or the last time she hugs me when I'm leaving her house. It makes me so thankful for her. I want to do that with everyone. Not in a morbid weird way of course, but sometimes to just think about how much I love them, and how lucky I am to have them, because as cliche as it sounds, life is short.
One last thing. I think Jesus is working in my heart. It's been a while since I've really felt like this. I feel him telling me that I need to find my happiness in him, and not in ideas of what I think my life should be like. I have said so many times I'll just be happy if....but guess what? It doesn't work. Even if I find that If, I still feel the same. It's changing on the inside, and I'm excited.
First, I'm going back to the tractors(sorry Meredith!). I do love the kids, but it's not worth it to me to miss out on my own life. Through this whole process of deciding it hit me how much God truly loves me. I begged him, yes literally begged, for this new job. He gave it to me. I asked him for a part time job. He gave it to me. Then when I decided I didnt want it anymore, after only a month I might add, He provided me a way out. I'm not saying that Jesus gives us whatever we ask for, but in this situation he knew that is what I needed, and he is the only one who knew it. From the outside the associate job seemed perfect, but he knew better. I don't know why this a suprise to me. The creator of my heart knows what is best for me. Not only the creator of my heart, but the creator of my whole world. Who am I to ever doubt that?
Second, one of my best friends Ami that I love so much and who has taken me into her family had a little bit of a health scare this weekend. For a lack of better words it scared the hell out of me. It is never a good thing when the phone rings at 5AM, and this was no different, but she is okay now. She is home safe with her family, and I can do nothing but thank Jesus for that. I did a lot of thinking this weekend. I know that life is short, I know that you never know what could happen, but seroiusly, that is the truth. Sometimes when I'm with my grandma I think this could be the last time I see her. It could be the last time she nags me in her loving grandma way about driving on ice, or my lack of food in my apartment, or the last time she hugs me when I'm leaving her house. It makes me so thankful for her. I want to do that with everyone. Not in a morbid weird way of course, but sometimes to just think about how much I love them, and how lucky I am to have them, because as cliche as it sounds, life is short.
One last thing. I think Jesus is working in my heart. It's been a while since I've really felt like this. I feel him telling me that I need to find my happiness in him, and not in ideas of what I think my life should be like. I have said so many times I'll just be happy if....but guess what? It doesn't work. Even if I find that If, I still feel the same. It's changing on the inside, and I'm excited.
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