Sick....Sick....Sick....

I have been sick in bed for entierly too long. I have been coughing my lungs up for the last week, and ALL I have been doing is watching The O.C. Oh I miss this show. It's a classic. Yes, I do realize it is slighly pathetic that is all I have been doing with my life for the last few days, but hey, Christmakah and Seth Cohen were calling my name.

Condense me to please you?

I refuse to be condensed to the worlds standards. I refuse to live a life of compromise and of self doubt. I refuse to be scared of the future, and to be defined by my past. I refuse to be put in a box, my Jesus can't be held down, and he dwells in me. I refuse to not be happy. I refuse to live a life where I don't fight for the kids i adore. I refuse to live a life without music, and without joy, and laughter. I refuse to be defined by my job. I refuse not to be bold.


"Indeed Herod and Pontius Pilate met together with the Gentiles and the people of Israel in this city to conspire against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed. They did what your power and will had decided beforehand should happen. Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. Stretch out your hand to heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of your holy servant Jesus."

Acts 4:27-30

What's new with me you ask?

I have a new blog layout, with cool new things that tell you interesting facts about me, such as where i shop, and what music I like. So tantalzing, I know. My friend Dawn taught me how to add to this thing, funny since she has had a blog site for all of a week. Yes, I am technologically challenged. So there are some new things in this life of mine. First off Bricks, our youth group ministry, is interesting these days. Three weeks ago, we threw out umm pretty much every single kid during church. I couldnt have been more embarassed or felt like I was being more distracting to the neat and orderly church service, although I think the interruptions is something my church family must be getting use to. Almost everyone I talked to said they didnt even notice. The majority of the kids that come to bricks come from one family. We creatively have named this clan "the family." They have not been back to church since the incident. This week they come back. We need a lot of prayer. We also would love to have a building for Bricks. Rob and Ami have been looking at buildings. It would solve a lot of our problems if these kids and us had a place to call our own. I am very excited about the direction this could be going. I start my new job in 10 days. Let the countdown begin. I cannot wait. Every time my work phone rings I want to throw it. I cant wait to get back to the world of silence and numbers on the other side of the building. Oh, another thing, our apartment has ghosts or something. Sarah sees twin girls and creepy women in black in her bedroom. I dont like this. I now sleep with my bathroom light and my tv on. That should ward off all spirits I am sure of it. One last thing, there is a new boy. He is pretty much great. That is all I will say about that, because I dont really like talking about these kind of things. Anyway...Now that I have a cooler blog page, I will be here more often. I promise.

How is this for irony?

The journey started in November. I quit my job to be a teachers associate. I couldnt make ends meet so on top of that I started working in collections at my tractor company. I hated working so much, so I took a full time job in collections. Guess what? Now im going back to my old cozy 8-430 job that I had before. Indecisive? I think so.

Deepest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Or deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgous, talented, and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be. You are a child of God. Your playing small doesnt serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people wont feel insecure around you"
- Nelson Mandela

This quote has been heard so many times, by so many people, but i really think he wrote it for me. My greatest struggle in life is fear, in so many aspects of the word. Im scared of ghost stories, Im scared when Lost gets a little too freighting, I'm scared to walk to my car at night. Most of all I'm scared to suceed, Im scared to do something great. I know I am called to something big. I know it. God conditioned me that way. He gave me talents and gifts, and most of all he gave me an unending passion that cant be controlled, or even dilluted in the slightest. I don't know how to change my insecure, unwarranted fear. This will have to be a God thing.

"Perfect love drives out fear"

There is nothing I should ever be afraid to do. I am the kings daughter. He loves me perfectly and completely. He loves me when im messy, when im upset, when I fall flat on my face,when i turn my back on him, and when i am looking right at him yelling. He still loves me.

Oh, I have missed blogging. I will hopefully be back soon.