trouble sleeping.

It is late, and I have a lot on my mind. I can't sleep. I wish I didn't feel things like I do. I have this gift (sometimes more of a curse) where my emotions are over powering. I swear i can almost feel when other people are hurting. I tend to take on their burdens, even though I may not always act like it. I carry them. Today was picnic in the park, and I sometimes just step back and watch all the people around me. I see the kids running around laughing, almost oblivious to the pain around them. They always make me smile. Then i see the dad of one of our twister kids down the street so strung out on drugs I can hardly even recognize him anymore. I politely wave and smile but inside I'm hurting for him. I want to scream at him for not taking care of his kids who I absolutely adore, but on the flip side I want to cry, and I wish so badly he could see the hope I have. How can people live without my hope? I don't know where I would be so i have no right to even consider judging them for one second. Then on top of these, I do have my own personal struggles. I have friends who have hurt me. people who have left. a job i absolutely hate .guilt for past things that for some unknown reason still have the ability to plague me. a suffocating fear of being alone, and failing at what I have been called so deeply to do. My emotions are messy, but I am thankful for them. I cant imagine not being able to feel the smile of a four year old, or even feel the tears of good friend. I do know one thing I need to get some sleep. I am tired. so tired.