No turning back this time.

" Wait, I might hesitate am I a minute to late. Please Lord I need to know this pressures got me letting go. If I'm wrong will I still carry on and end up where I belong. I've never felt this way before. I've never come so close. I've never warn so thin. Im stepping out instead of closing in. I left myself behind when I made up my mind. No turning back this time. This is my new design"

The above lyrics describe exactly every thought that has been in my mind over the last week. I had a big decesion to make. I am not good at decesions. I went back and fourth begging God to show me what he wanted for my life. Then I would question what if I made the wrong choice? Would I screw up my entire life? Of course not, but I wouldnt believe that to save my life last week. I really don't think I had one rational thought in my mind. I knew what God was telling me to do. I knew the whole time, but i kept talking myself out of it. The thoughts "It doesnt really matter what I chose" were constintley in my mind. I had talked myself into thinking that neither one was sin, so neither choice would be wrong. That's not true. I knew God was telling me to quit my job. I did that today. Am I scared? Hell yeah. Am I going to have to work harder than I ever had to work in my life? probably. Do I know what I have gotten myself into? Im guessing no. It doesn't really matter to me though. He is not leaving me. I had to apologize to God last night. I made this decesion way to much about me. He had BLESSED me with this opportunity, and I took it on like a curse.I asked him for it, and then I got mad at him for giving it to me. Sinful nature here I come again. This could get interesting, but I am excited. There is a certain freedom that comes with trusting. It doesnt make it any less scary, but it feels right. I guess it better feel right, since there is no turning back now. The two week notice has officially been given. I will say goodbye to the tractors soon, and hello to a whole new world of bad ass little kids.